Dish of the Week: Matt’s Double Cheeseburger

WHOA! Before all the hate mail comes in, this is not a knock on Lucy. She is still very much Jucy, and in fact what I usually get at Matt’s Bar. But be honest, you’ve read all you ever need to read about Matt’s Jucy. The Strib wrote about it as recently as last year. Tasting Table, whatever that is, called it a “euphoric experience.” Last month, a Bon Appetit writer apparently ate nine different Lucies in one day. He’s dead now, unfortunately.* Even Obama says it’s a “great burger.” So we all agree: Matt’s Jucy Lucy is great and waaayyy better than 5-8 Club. But one time I completely spaced and accidentally ordered the double cheeseburger. I got halfway through devouring it before I even noticed. Swear to god.

I get it — you don’t go to Matt’s for a double cheeseburger. Same. But I’m here to say that it stacks up with, oh, Parlour, and even In-N-Out (which isn’t any better than Culver’s #fightme). Like the Lucy, it’s two patties, cheese, pickles, and optional onions — all fried on that one tiny griddle behind the bar. (Am I the first person to write about that griddle?! Why does nobody talk about how Matt’s doesn’t even have a kitchen??? You’d think this would be a fun and quirky part of even one article…) Without needing to house the cheese, each patty can get crisp and crusty on both sides, and the cheese gets to flop all over the patties in a way that the Lucy, by definition, cannot manage. On the other hand, while the cheese does melt, the double cheeseburger doesn’t come with a literal warning to beware the molten cheese, a both irresistible and irreplaceable hallmark of Ms. Lucy.

That said, if, say, your doctor ordered you to stay away from molten cheese (greasy burgers themselves obviously fine, according to Dr. E. Nabler (it’s more an anxiety thing, like arachibutyrophobia (she also has a side hustle in the medical marijuana business (I have her card (you assumed Dr. Nabler was a man, didn’t you?) Anyway…)))), you really don’t lose much with the double double. PLUS, ask for it animal style and you never have to bother with the western half of the country!**

**If you ask for it animal style, at the very least leave me out of it. I have a serious reputation to maintain.

If you go: Do I really need to explain Matt’s Bar to you? It’s a classic dive. The burgers are cheap. One order of fries feeds three people and are surprisingly delicious for how they look.