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FDC #23: Not Haute Dish

I would like to start off with an apology. It has come to my attention that FDC has entered the dark part of the internet. Yes, that shady world inhabited by Nigerian princes,  YouTube commenters, and pictures of Putin not riding a bear. How do I know we’ve become part of such a shadowy realm? The most sophisticated technology I know of: corporate internet filters.

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife

 

 

I would like to thank Wells Fargo for letting me know the evil of our ways, and I am sorry to all we’ve offended.

Now that we’ve taken care of that bit of unpleasantness, on to our regular bus-nasty (as business is referred to when your website contains Adult/Mature Content). After some disappointment a few months back, combined with an obvious hatred of our own bodies, there was a large, BBQ-sized hole in all four of us. Luckily, during one magical week of the year, Haute Dish transforms itself into a good old fashioned BBQ place know as Hauteque Soul Hut. The normal menu is swapped out for BBQ goodness and dreams are made.

This is my kind of lazy.
This is my kind of lazy.

Having learned absolutely nothing from previous experiences in over-eating, we took one look at the menu and wanted it all. To be fair, you gotta get ribs at a BBQ place. And you also gotta get chicken. And you especially gotta get brisket. Basically, when a BBQ joint is only open one week a year, you gotta get everything. The thing about BBQ, however, is that if it’s done right, it’s been cooking all damn day. So when you order everything, you get everything at the exact same time.

We all dug the authentic table cloth.
We all dug the authentic table cloth.

So the next bit gets a little hazy. I remember the following:

  • The ribs were just insane. They were the type of ribs where you pick one up and the meat falls off the bone before you could get it into the ol’ nom tank. Then your brain lives a thousand happy lifetimes when you eat them. Might have been the best ribs ever, no joke.
  • The fried chicken was also ridiculous. Somehow the chefs managed to create a fried chicken that was a) covered in spicy sauce, b) still crazy crispy, c) absurdly tender and juicy, and d) obviously delicious.
  • The brisket and pork shoulder were both great. Cooked very similarly, and went very well with Soul Hut’s homemade sauces (oh yeah, they did that, too). The homemade mustard was the consensus favorite, I believe.
  • The lamb and the veal, even though they were cooked up very nicely (the lamb especially had a tasty pesto-y sauce on it), couldn’t stand up to the traditional BBQ fare. There’s something to be said for simplicity.
  • The hot link was…good probably. Really started slowing down at this point.
  • There were also sides! For me at least, the sides were either super great or kinda meh. The baked beans with burnt ends were packed with plenty of spices and flavor, and the mac and cheese was packed with the correct amount of butter (i.e. infinite). The latter was good enough for each of us to request an extra side to take home. On the other side of things, the cole slaw was not really my thing (I’m a vinegar cole slaw kind of guy, if at all) and the collard greens were needed a little more love in the not-being-collard-greens department.
  • We also ordered potato salad, which had a split vote between us. Brad and Matt both thought it was about as solid as a potato salad can be. That qualifier is kinda why I avoid potato salad. It’s just kind of limited in how good it can be. Like the Nicolas Cage of food. When it’s good, it’s kind of pleasant and amusing (like Face/Off Nic Cage). When it’s bad, it’s pretty lame and uncalled for (like Ghost Rider Nic Cage). This potato salad was somewhere between National Treasure and Con Air level. I was also really resenting the extra carbs at that point.
Calm down, Potato Salad.
Calm down, Potato Salad.

All in all, we were impressed by our work. That was a lot of food. And it also highlighted a desperately needed niche in Minnesota. Our best not-just-open-once-a-week BBQ place is Famous Dave’s. While I do love me some Famous Dave’s, what I would love more is for some competition. There’s just something really great about breaking bread with friends over a great plate of ribs.

There are other certain things bring people an outsized amount of joy. Take Chris for example. Apparently he is one of those people that can watch an athlete incur a gruesome injury over and over again. “I love leg injuries,” Chris said at one point. Not to be outdone by…himself, Chris has also been fascinated by all the bathrooms at our FDC visits for one reason or another, for reasons unknown to me. But that’s all about to change in a new segment called…

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A Tale of Two Bathrooms

Today’s fancy bathroom truly is a Jekyll and Hyde affair.

On the left, a minimalist water closet.  No frills dark tile with dark grout, a toilet set in a too-large space, and not even a wall-hung toilet paper roll.  All that’s missing is the mummified body of Jeremy Bentham to complete the utilitarian paradise.

There's plenty of room for a mummy here.
There’s plenty of room for a mummy here.

On the right, though, we see a lavish sink area.  A basket holds hand towels, while granite counters support the blindingly white sinks.  A nice soap holder, along with a candle and a piece of art complete the look.

Liberace would wash his hands here.
Liberace would wash his hands here.

Interesting bathroom, for sure.  I give the left side one flush out of five, and the right side four flushes out of five.  The juxtaposition of the two sides is jarring, to say the least.  Fancy Bathroom Enthusiasts may want to skip this one.