FDC #56: Thirty Bales: Bale-dersnatch

It’s 2019. Nerd culture is cool, and analytics are king.

We as a blog need to continue to improve in the analytics department to please our shareholders. How can we maximize our click-through rates? How can we optimize our reach? How can we improve our core competency vectoring?*

*I made that last one up

We have no shareholders

Choose-your-own-adventure is in right now with the release of Netflix’s Bandersnatch. How about an interactive Fancy Dinner review?!

Come along with us as we go out to eat. You choose what to order as if you’re joining the FDC crew for a night on the town! Spoiler alert: you’re probably going to die. There are a surprising number of paths that end with death. If you do die, though, just go back and make a different choice! The possibilities are endless* so go ahead and click all around. Try it multiple times! Help us show our advertisers** how engaged our readers are!

*Not actually endless

**We don’t have advertisers… yet

Wrong Path


Let’s begin:

Fancy Dinner Club is meeting this month at Thirty Bales, a newer restaurant in Hopkins. A large, open floorplan greets you as you enter the front door, a tall U-shaped bar is to your right. The room is dimly lit and made to feel dimmer by the dark wood undertones that serve as the dominant design feature of the place. Did you expect something other than dim on a dreary winter evening in Minnesota?

“Over here!” Brad flags you down with a wave of his hand, and you sidle into the dark leather booth next to him and Matt. Chris and The J are seated opposite you at a big oak table. The four of them are poring over the drink menu, but you take a moment to look around and get your bearings.

“Wait a second,” you say, hesitantly. “Didn’t this used to be th-“

“Yup, used to be the old Big Ten Restaurant,” Matt interjects. “Was the perfect place to come before going to see a movie at the second-run theater.”

Your cognitive dissonance easing at the memory of this space being filled with college athletic memorabilia, you take a look down at the drink menu. Your server, an enthusiastic man with a big smile and glasses, asks the table “so, what’ll you have?”

“You guys go first, I’ll need a minute,” Chris states. He always needs a minute. He can’t make a damn decision to save his life.

“The North Coast Hipster sounds good,” says Matt

“How about the Roll in the Hay,” says Brad

“I’ll go with the Sage Advice,” says The J

Chris finally has made up his mind. “I’ll take the Murder of Cranberries beer, please. Cranberry stout, that sounds intriguing!”

“And for you?” The server looks expectantly at you.

North Coast Hipster

Roll in the Hay

Sage Advice

Murder of Cranberries