“Realistically, this isn’t the worst pizza.”
One of the things I (Chris) have been most looking forward to since we’ve started doing Fancy Dinner Club is to review some of the not-so-fancy meals that the FDC crew love to put down our mouth-holes when we’re not fancying it up.
Now, I know you’re already thinking “but Chris, you’re a young, unmarried man working a full-time job. Surely you have the income to eat a fancy meal every night?”
First of all, presumed baby boomer questioner, you are out of touch with the realities of today’s Obamanoconomy. Second of all, you’re wrong, get off my back.
Drew and I decided to settle in with a pizza from Little Caesars. That pizza’s name, the $5 Hot-N-Ready, gives you everything you need to know: it will cost you $5, it will be hot, and it will be ready. Not unlike dollar stores and that place that’s just called $3 Car Wash, one can only assume that the $5 Hot-N-Ready pizza is a symbol of quality with only the finest of offerings for its customers.
We both noted that the pizza was indeed ready when we picked it up. Some time had transpired between leaving the establishment and cracking the box open, but we took some measurements and extrapolated the amount of time it took to get the pizza home, and came to the conclusion that it must have been hot.
The pizza had already lived up to its name. Now the only question was whether or not it was good (something, you will note, that Little Caesars does not claim).
This is quite a photogenic pizza – the picture above does not show it, but both Drew and I mentioned that it was “as pale as ever”. It was cut poorly though, resulting in us having to tear the slices apart before eating them. -1 for presentation.
We did rave about our side order of “K Bread” (Crazy Bread for the uninitiated), which is an essential accoutrement to any Hot-N-Ready meal. If you order a Hot-N-Ready and a K Bread, it signals to the employee behind the counter that this isn’t your first Hot-N-Rodeo**
We chose to pair the H-N-R with Pabst Blue Ribbon, and noted that the pizza “really masked the flavor” of the beer. The pepperoni topping was “a little salty” for the overall meal, but we all agreed it was a good saltiness. The crust was bland but with great texture, and the cheese was also bland and “a little mealy”. The flavor of the sauce, though, is what really draws me in to the Hot-N-Ready. Not too sweet, not too salty, not too much zest but just enough – I don’t know how you could realistically expect a better tasting sauce from a pizza that you paid just $5 for.
And in the end, that’s the greatest strength of this dish. It is a wonderful value, you get a lot of food for your dollar. If you’re looking to maximize your food to cost ratio, the Hot-N-Ready is a great option.
At some point, Brad came in and tried to snob up the place by looking down his nose at the H-N-R.
Said Brad, “I wouldn’t pay more than $5 for this.”
Exactly, Brad. Exactly.
**Little Caesars really dropped the ball by not spelling crazy with a “K”. We here at FDC are looking to rectify that. If you want to do some hashtag activism on our behalf, please tweet using #FDCKrazyBread, and hopefully Mr. Caesar will start to take notice.